Could you read over this? It's short, just an attempt to write something with all five senses?

Pretty cool- very sensory; nice images. I think your first comma should be a dash, but I could be wrong. Sticky is unclear and cliche. Please rephrase 'pitter-pattered' (shuffled, scuffed the ___ floor, ?) and 'rat-feet' should have no dash, I think. Instead of choking on the dusty heat, how about just the dust, or the dust and heat, or 'I couldn't breathe for all the dust and humidity' or something. This was enjoyable to read. Best wishes.